Procrastination Solutions: Mindset
Now that we’ve looked at both what procrastination is, and how procrastination works, let’s start getting into solutions.
The first evidence-based strategy Dr. Sirois presents in her book has to do with mindset. Because any journey toward a goal will involve ups and downs, challenges and setbacks, the mindset from which we respond to these difficulties makes a big difference.
Procrastination is more likely to happen and is also reinforced if we react to difficulties with harshness and unkindness. When we doubt our abilities, imply we shouldn’t have imperfections, or tell ourselves we are not good enough or unworthy, then the result is demotivation and negative mood.
As an alternative, two strategies that research shows to help with preventing procrastination are the mindsets of self-compassion and self-forgiveness.
Self-Compassion
It’s not an uncommon response I see in therapy that some clients initially push back on the idea of self-compassion, and it looks like Dr. Sirois has seen similar reactions in the research. People seem to be scared that lightening up on themselves will lead to laziness, or complacency, or not pushing themselves to accomplish their goals. These fears are understandable, but unfounded.
Self-compassion is not self-indulgence. Self-compassion is about acting toward yourself in ways that are healthy, like how a loving parent would care for a child. Both over-indulging with a lack of boundaries or accountability and being overly harsh with a focus on criticism and shaming are unhealthy approaches. Self-compassion is something else.
Self-compassion involves three things. One aspect of self-compassion is responding to yourself with kindness rather than criticism. This means taking an approach of warmth, openness, and acceptance in the face of difficulties rather than one of blame and meanness.
Another aspect of self-compassion is feeling connected to others in the midst of struggle rather than isolated. In other words, not using your struggles to prove that you’re unlike others (“there’s something wrong with me”), but instead using your struggles to see that you’re just like everyone else (“we all make mistakes and face difficulties like this”). You are not the first to face procrastination, and you will not be the last.
A third aspect of self-compassion is practicing mindfulness with your emotions, not avoiding them or becoming overly identified with them. As emotions come along, like frustration, boredom, or self-doubt, let them in like inviting a visitor in for tea, and see what they have to say. Then, when you have heard their message, they can be on their way and don’t need to move into your home. Let them come. Let them go.
It can be helpful when trying to develop self-compassion to start by imagining how you would approach someone else that you care about. Imaging speaking to a friend, a child, a niece or nephew, or a partner. If they were struggling with a difficult task, challenging emotions, or procrastination, how would you respond to them? What would it look like to be kind and accepting toward them, hear and recognize their emotions, and allow them to feel how normal their struggle is as part of being human? Now, can you turn that script on yourself?
For some additional help in cultivating self-compassion, check out Kristen Kneff’s exercises here.
Self-Forgiveness
Like self-compassion, self-forgiveness can be mistaken for a kind of self-indulgence. It can be interpreted as telling yourself that everything is fine, everything is permissible. This is again an understandable fear, but another unfounded one, based on a misunderstanding of forgiveness.
Forgiveness, whether toward others or yourself, is not about permissiveness. It’s not about saying everything is ok. It is about healing accountability in the aftermath of a wrongdoing, and a grieving process that eventually allows you to be free of this wrongdoing.
First, you have to recognize what you’re forgiving. In this case, we’re talking about accepting that you have procrastinated and that you’re not happy with having done so. This means taking responsibility for the behavior, but not blaming yourself, which are two different things. You procrastinated, and you’re not happy you procrastinated. Let yourself feel this.
Second, you have to allow the emotions that come from feeling this. You may be angry, disappointed, frustrated, scared. And that’s ok. It’s ok to feel the loss that procrastination has brought with it. Know that you won’t get stuck here just by letting yourself feel these feelings.
Third, you move forward with an attitude of restitution and restoration, not retribution. You’re not trying to beat yourself up for procrastinating. You’re trying to make it right by doing what you can do to make it less likely to happen again. And part of that, as the research indicates, is being kind toward yourself, letting these negative feelings go once they have been heard, and taking action on behalf of your own health.
Here is what this self-forgiveness process might sound like. Be aware that it is more than just repeating these statements, but sometimes words can be a nice starting point for an approach that’s new to you and not part of your old pattern.
“I accept that I procrastinated, and take responsibility for any harm caused by my procrastination. I don’t like that I procrastinated, but I can hold myself accountable as I move forward.”
“I feel (insert feeling here) that I procrastinated. As I consider how I’m feeling, I can be accepting toward myself, compassionate toward myself, and know that I am worthy of forgiveness.”
“What can I do now to make amends for the problems created by my procrastination? What insights, lessons, or opportunities for growth can I learn from having procrastinated? What can I do to lessen the chances of procrastinating on this task again, knowing I don’t have to do so perfectly?”
Recognize it. Feel it. Then move forward in action. And do so with acceptance, kindness, and compassion.